This is Not Flattering

I am sick and tired of seeing this trend wherever I go go shopping (which is usually Target or the sale section of various mid-priced sites like J. Crew)… Designers seem to think that making jersey tops that balloon out toward the hips and gather at a band on the bottom is a great idea.  

Witness Exhibit A (Delia’s):

Exhibit B (Anthropologie):

And Exhibit C (Target):

Though they look all right on the mannequins/models, when it comes to the dressing room, this just ain’t cute, especially if you have hips!  And if you’ve got any hint of curves, chunks, rolls, or whatever you wanna call them, this style will do about as much justice to your body as a Hefty bag.  

I’m all for comfortable casual wear, as witnessed by my firm belief that the right jeans and hoodies can be proper business attire.  But casual does not have to mean a completely untailored sack of fabric.  Much as I live in t-shirts, I am ready for the era of jersey to end, especially if it means we’ll never have to see this dreadful design again.

LOVE

I didn’t watch the Oscars because it was my birthday, but…

I love this dress, and I love it on Marisa Tomei, even though I can’t shake the image of her shaking her boobies in The Wrestler.  God, that was a depressing film.  But she looks absolutely radiant here.  I love geometrical stuff like this, and I love the way it fits her.  If only we could all wear Versace.

My Two Cents on M.I.A.’s Grammy Getup

I might be the only person who thought M.I.A.’s Grammy outfit was flippin’ adorable.  Some have written that it’s risqué for a pregnant woman, but I think it is actually 100% appropriate for M.I.A. and a lot cuter on her nine-months-pregnant body than it is on this lady: I don’t know what it is… it’s just whimsical and cute and Super Mario Brothers-esque on M.I.A. whereas the whole thing falls flat (uh… literally) on this skinny model.  Humor and whimsy are so absent from fashion that I applaud M.I.A. for taking a risk.  I also applaud her for her insistence upon wearing sneakers at red carpet events:

So sue me, I adore this outfit as well.  She’s M.I.A.; she’s about to pop (and pop she did); she can wear whatever the eff she wants to the Grammys.

Bridal Showdown

I was partly groaning, partly giddy when they announced that the four finalists would need to make a wedding gown which would determine who showed their collections at Fashion Week.  Ample time and money to design the gown of their dreams?  Oh, and of course they were asked to make a bridesmaid’s dress at the eleventh hour.  Let’s see what the top four came up with:

Let’s start with Jerrell:

Looks like she fell in the gutter.

Ok, so I see what he was going for with for the bride.  We’ve seen similar sillhouettes/construction from high-end bridal wear designers.  But the dirty color?  The exploding bust?  The flowers springing forth from her head? Not exactly how I’d wanna look on my wedding day (or what I’d what to see coming up the aisle). Freak-ay.  The BM dress looks decent to me, but almost seems too tame compared to the drama that is the bride.  I can’t decide whether or not I’d want to attend this wedding.  At the very least, it would *interesting.*

Korto:

She's not crying tears of joy for the bride.

I appreciate what she’s trying to do with colors and textures, but in the end it looks like a bride and bridesmaid on safari.  The texturing around the bride’s torso reminds me of corrugated cardboard, and her poor maid just looks sad.  I would be too if i had to wear a halter dress made out of grocery bags.  However I see the method behind the madness – there’s real constructino going on – and her collection looks like it rocks, so she deserves to be in.

Kenley:

Cute if you're 5'11" and 125 lbs

Kenley needs to learn once again that it pays to look at current fashions.  Kors says that ALexander McQueen just showed a similar wedding dress.  Kenley REFUSES to believe that a similar silhouette exists out there in the world.  C’mon Kenley, you live in BROOKLYN.  Are you in complete isolation from ALL THINGS FASHION?  I don’t think so.  Also the BM dress?  Kors says that every girl would want to wear it. Sorry, but most of the girls I know (including me) would FREAK if they had to wear that.  Can you imagine four of those in a row?  Most of the girls I know like dresses to a) cover their undies and b) flatter their hips, not inflate them to cartoonish proportions.  Kenley, you’re allowed to wear the McQueen-eque gown on your wedding day (I’ll refrain from jokes about the kind of guy who’d want to marry you) but please, please do not make your girls wear that BM dress.  It just ain’t dignified.

Leanne:

Ahhhh.....

Ahhh…. Leanne’s pieces were like a breath of fresh air.  Yes, THIS is a good high-fashion interpretation of what a wedding should look like, and there’s a small chance that real women might wear this.  The garments are soft and flowing, and follow the wave aesthetic of her collection.  The colors are more traditional and they LOOK GOOD.  Way to go Leanne, you understand that brides want to look beautiful. 

And in the end… it’s the freakiness that is Jerrell that just doesn’t make the cut.  I find it a little funny that we were being set up to see him, Leanne and Korto as the finalists (Tim doesn’t even meet any of Kenley’s friends or family when he goes to visit her.. wtf?)  But in the end, the ladies triumphed.  I think it was the right decision.

I’ve got my money on Miz Leannimal.  Anyone want to make a wager?

Hot Stuff

She-Bible has posted more hotness from their fall collection:

Fall Collection Hotness at She-Bible

I think all of these pieces (available in multiple colors) are fully in line with the librarian look.  Owning multiple She-Bible tops and dresses myself, I am sure all of these are incredibly well-made and insanely comfortable.  Oh, and they’re all made in San Francisco!!  

But let’s also not forget about the dresses:

Yeah, I edited this in paint.

Now if only I had a little bit of discretionary income…

She-Bible

At the risk of turning my blog into a catalog (my “buy it here” posts will be few and far between, I assure you, unless you demand posts on laundry detergent and dog food, which is where most of my discretionary income goes), I give you She-Bible, one of my favorite local labels. All of their clothing is made in San Francisco, and they describe their line as “reliably sexy and comfy pieces perfect for kicking up dirt and kicking up your heels.”

I would agree wholeheartedly, as I own about a billion of their tops (I went to one sample sale where I got to meet Deirdre and Stacy, the lovely brains behind She-Bible, and swoop up about five of their beautiful printed shirts for $10/piece). Here are a couple of pieces I own that I *love* and wear all the time (on a She-Bible model, not me):

I love the asymmetrical pockets!

I even tried to get my bridesmaids to wear this.

And here is a taste of their new fall collection:

The dress is 80s-esque in the very best way - I want!

Check them out here.

Oh, the Humiliation…

Of looking like this (which was, incidentally, and somewhat unfortunately, the winning outfit):

Punk... it's so not hot right now.

on the day you’re eliminated. It was your turn to go, Suede, but I’m sad it had to be like this

(Btw, it totally reminds me of the ice skating challenge in season 2 where whats-his-name met his demise while clothed in a hot-pink ice skating shirt).

High-waisted Horrors

Wow. To me, this looks like a vintage pencil skirt with a baggy crotch and some pant legs tacked on. Apparently to Kenley, it looks “totally hip hop.”

It reminds me of another unfortunate incident in which an attractive young woman was powerless against the hideousness that is pegged legs and a sky-high waist:

Obviously there is a lot of misfortune going on here, but the 80’s mom-pants are fashion enemy number one.

All of these atrocities give high-waisted pants a bad name. I owned the best pair of high-waisted jeans EVER in college – they came up an inch or so below my navel and flared out ever so slightly at the bottom. They made me feel like a seventies goddess and I wore them everyday. I cried when I returned from my semester in Ghana (i.e. four months of eating fried plantains and wearing wrap skirts) and they wouldn’t zip. My point is, when pants have a *civilized* rise — that is, not up to your boobs, nor barely covering your private areas — they can be flattering and very, VERY comfortable. I hate pulling up my jeans before I sit down to avoid showing crack, and I hate the way lower-rise jeans cut straight into your curves and make your love handles (ok, MY love handles) spilleth over.

While I would take off the top two inches from the waistband of these pants, I think they are the right idea when it comes to a high waist, and flatter the female form:

As for every day jeans with a reasonable rise, I like Joe’s Jeans quite a bit, and have worn the same pair of Provocateur style jeans for the last two years straight. This style is their ‘petite’ model, and while I’m 5′6″, I believe I chose them because I was too cheap/lazy to tailor the ‘regular’ 34″ jeans. They are amazingly sturdy and well-made, and the waist hits just right. My next pair of jeans will probably be their ‘Muse’ style, which is similar but slightly more high-waisted.

What do you think: is a certain degree of high-waistedness acceptable?

Is it just me…

Or did NONE of the garments from last week live up to the promise of avant-garde?

Clockwise from top left: Leanne, Suede, Kenley, Terri

Blayne, Jerrell, Korto, Joe

Last week all previously eliminated designers had to endure the great humiliation of returning to the show to be matched with another designer and to serve as their assistant as they created “avant-garde” outfits based on one of the design pair’s astrological signs. Are the producers running out of ideas? Because I’d be happy to share some suggestions (maybe they could have a suicide bomber vest challenge to really stir things up?)

Some of the outfits above are certainly pretty. Leanne and Korto have made gorgeous outfits as usual, and while not avant-garde per se, they are solid enough that I’m sure they will both be in the top three, along with Kenley. I assume Suede will be out next (nice try with the whole flashy-personality thing, but honestly, he’s annoying and hasn’t produced anything great), followed by Joe, then Jerrell. Actually, maybe Jerrell will be in the top three, instead of Kenley. I’m sure a little digging around on the net could produce some answers, but I’d rather not know, so please do not tell me.

On a final note, while Blayne certainly deserved the boot, I was a little sad knowing that we’ll never see the likes of this again:

wtf?

Maybe if he’d saved that one for the avant-garde challenge, he’d still be around. I guess we’re stuck with “serious” fashion from here on out