Broken Engagements

I still follow Weddingbee, the wedding community I visited daily during my year of wedding planning.  For a few months after my wedding I couldn’t or didn’t care to look at the site, but now that both a close friend and a cousin are getting married this summer, I have weddings and wedding research back in my mind.

An interesting but very sad occurence at Weddingbee in the past few weeks is that two bloggers have announced that their weddings have been called off.  In one case, the groom-to-be got cold feet and told the bride-t0-be that he didn’t think he could hang with the whole marriage thing.  They canceled their wedding three months before it was to occur.

In another case, the bride-to-be caught wind of her fiance’s affair.  Talk about heartbreaking.  They were set to wed in June.

I’m amazed at the two bloggers’ candor, especially in a community that is mainly devoted to talk about invitations, dresses, flowers, and other (fun) wedding frivolity.  Weddingbee is a very welcoming community, but once you’re not planning or reflecting on a wedding, well, there’s no point in being a part of it anymore.  Unless it’s to pawn off your wedding purchases.  One minute you are trying to find the perfect shade for your bridesmaids’ dresses; the next you are trying to find someone to take over your deposit on a banquet hall.  

These women have brought up some very heavy issues about the meaning of marriage and commitment.  A few other ‘Bees’ have brought up relationship topics before, but man, nothing is quite as grounding as a canceled wedding or a cheating groom.

At any rate, I applaud their honesty and their connection with the community. It’s sobering but in some ways reassuring, especially when you are going through some of the hard times that everyone faces in a marriage, to be reminded that it’s not all puppies and rainbows and dyed crinolines and specialty cocktails.  It’s a weird dichotomoy we’ve created between the day of the wedding and the years and decades that follow it.  Much as I loved my wedding, I’m glad I’m past that hurdle and into the thick of it.

eHarmony: Gay is OK

According to the LA Times, eHarmony is going to start allowing same-sex matches on its dating site. eHarmony has been known for its policy of only allowing hetero matches up until now, and this ignited a controversy over at Weddingbee when it announced its sale to eHarmony in October.  Though the change apparently comes as a result of a settlement with a member who filed a complaint with the company, at least it’s a step in the right direction (albeit a forced step).

Though I find the site kind of awful for reasons unrelated to its historic stance on gays, I do believe in equal rights.  Let all of us, gay, straight, bisexual, and transgendered be allowed to participate in whatever super lame dating sites we choose!

We’ll see if this is enough of a change to get Mrs. Gingerbread and Mrs. Hummingbird, and other LGBT or LGBT-sympathetic ‘Bees’ to resume blogging about their weddings once again on Weddingbee.  Interesting timing too, what with all the outcry over the passing of Prop 8 here in California.  What do you think?

Mrs. Bee Responds to Rumors; Mrs. Creampuff and Mrs. Hummingbird Say Goodbye

Mrs. Bee posted a thoughtful response over at Weddingbee today, speaking to the rumors that eHarmony had financial ties to Focus on the Family, that they do not allow (or have not in the past allowed) interracial matching on their site, and that they have assumed editorial control of the Hive. Mrs. Bee insists that none of these rumors are true.

Apparently Mrs. Hummingbird has also left the hive amidst the eHarmony fracas. You can read her farewell post here. Today Mrs. Creampuff also bids us adieu.

I believe this brings the tally of departed Bees up to four: Mrs. Creampuff, Mrs. Hummingbird, Miss Flipflop, Mrs. Gingerbread (and Mrs. Lovebug, although she posted a farewell a while back). Did I miss any?

I still respect every Bee’s decision to leave Weddingbee, whether or not there was a financial tie to Focus on the Family (there was certainly a prior business tie between FotF and the founder of eHarmony), and whatever eHarmony’s opinion on interracial dating is. While eHarmony has every right to refuse to make same-sex matches, the readers and bloggers at Weddingbee have every right to choose not to support such a site.  I fear that Weddingbee may crash and burn (or become a Knot clone) without its more interesting and political bloggers, but so be it.  It’s a good lesson in values.

The Debate Continues

Not last night’s VP debate, but the discussion of whether eHarmony’s purchase of Weddingbee was a good move, and whether Bees with LGBT ties or sympathy should continue to blog for the site.  Mrs. Creampuff, a popular San Francisco-based Bee, has turned in her resignation.   So has Miss Flip Flop, a newer Bee from Orlando who identifies as bisexual.

Past and present Bees have had a LOT to say on the subject.  Here are some comments of note:

Miss Hot Cocoa:

“I will not cede power to EHarmony to define what a Weddingbee or a wedding should be, and I genuinely fear that if all of us who support the queer community go, that’s precisely what will happen. The moment EHarmony starts to censor our blogs is the moment I will go. But so long as Bee is committed to providing an open forum, I will continue to use this open (and well-attended) forum to express my support of the queer community and to challenge the heteronormativity of the wedding industrial complex.”

Mrs. Cherry Pie:

“I, too, have felt conflicted about WB’s acquisition by eHarmony. I identify as bisexual and polyamorous, and Mr. CP and I are an active part of Seattle’s kink (leather, queer, poly) community. I wonder how eHarmony would feel about THAT? … Long story short, I do not want to support eHarmony’s discriminative policies. But I don’t really want to leave until I’ve had my say. “

Mrs. Lovebug:

“Weddingbee HAS changed today, massively and fundamentally and irrevocably.”

Mrs. Cookie:

“I too will hold Bee to the promise of maintaining an independent voice that is not censored, and I look forward to the day eharmony changes its policies to be inclusive of the GLBT community. I hope by continuing to blog and tell my story, without censorship, that I can be an instrument for change. “

While I respect Mrs. Bee’s decision to sell her site, I also *greatly* respect the integrity of the Bees who made the choice to leave. This is a tough decision to be sure, and I’m not certain what I’d do in their place. Can you make more of a difference by ‘working from within’ and reaching eHarmony’s audience, or by boycotting the site all together? I don’t know…

Weddingbee Sold to eHarmony

Weddingbee, the popular wedding blog, announced today that it closed a deal with eHarmony.  Mrs. Bee, who has run the site up until now with the help of her husband and brother-in-law, writes that “I’ve been assured that editorial decisions regarding the Bees and the content on the site are still in my hands. I’ll continue to ensure that the site maintains its editorial integrity.”

There has been a lot of chatter on the site recently about LGBT weddings.   Immediately after the announcement, readers and Bees created quite a ruckus discussing eHarmony’s refusal to allow same-sex matching on their dating site, as well as their past ties to Focus on the Family.  One of the site’s bloggers (or ‘Bees’), who is gay and recently moved to Canada so she could marry her wife, decided that she’ll no longer be blogging on Weddingbee.  Several other bloggers have voiced their concerns about eHarmony’s stance against marriage equity and may leave the site as well.

The overall vibe in the comments is polite, but clear, along the lines of:  ”I’m so happy for Bee, she deserves a vacation.  But… I’m sad about the sale nonetheless.”   A surprising number of readers and Bees have declared their disappointment and their decision to no longer read/participate in Weddingbee, citing eHarmony’s stance on the gay community.  While Mrs. Bee states her support for the right of gays to marry, it is clear that this action will turn a lot of readers and potential bloggers away.  This will certainly be an interesting turning point for a site that has appealed to a large number of readers while continuing to be decidedly more off-beat than say, The Knot.

While I think it’s a bit hypocritical to promote marriage equity on one hand while selling your company to a corporation that clearly has worked to undermine the legitmacy of gay marriage and gayness itself, I understand the need to survive.  Mrs. Bee mentioned that many of the companies interested in buying Weddingbee were planning to either launch a competitor site or buy hers.  Hm… this sounds more like a survival strategy than a callous get-rich-quick strategy.

What do you think?