The fracas over on Weddingbee got me thinking about why I still read it in the first place. I got married three months ago. Shouldn’t I be *over* wedding stuff by now?
My answer is yes and no. I was very happy with my wedding: I partied with my friends like I was back in college, witnessed some incredible moments of bonding between my family and my husband’s, and shared tenderness, beauty and exhilaration with my groom. With a few small exceptions, my wedding day was perfect.
However, after having spent a year looking at dresses, cakes and flowers, it’s hard to accept that my wedding happened — and that the real memories of that day must now replace the fantasty version I’ve had in my head for so long.
In a way, it all went by so quickly that I feel cheated. A year of planning, most of my family and close friends in one place… and I have to think hard to remember the details of the day. A close friend (and one of my bridesmaids) got engaged a scant few weeks after my wedding. Her fiance informed me at our rehearsal dinner about his plans to propose to her. This, and the speculation during and after the wedding about when my brother would get engaged to his girlfriend, made it seem like our day was over before it had begun.
Perhaps it’s for this reason that I still look to Weddingbee to fill some wedding void that persists, despite having had the best wedding any girl could’ve asked for. As much as I feel like I’m ‘over’ all things wedding, it’s a part of my brain that I’m having trouble shutting off. I spent so much time imagining my wedding before it happened that the fantasy manages to persist even though the event is passed. I dream about weddings still, and wake up unsure if my actual wedding is in the past or the future. I feel like the process of shifting this event from the anticipation to the memory mode in my mind is meeting with resistance in my subconscious.