Totally Frivolous Post

It’s a slow day at work, and compounded with the agonizing slowness of a major election day, I’m about ready to stab my eyes out.  Therefore it’s time to think about something completely different.

So my mom has always been a petite person, but recently she’s dropped weight to the point where her doctor told her she needs to gain at least 15 pounds. Physically, my mom and I are almost nothing alike. I inherited her pointy nose and exaggerated sense of caution about the world, but since my teens I’ve been taller and had broader shoulders, and have never been underweight in my life (though I did drop down to a size 6 during my senior year in college – ha!). A friend who’s been through episodes with an eating disorder informs me that it’s actually quite an endeavor to gain weight back after you’ve gotten really skinny, even if you’re 100% committed to the cause. When she got too thin and was looking to put the weight back on, she actually drank a weight-gain drink from GNC in addition to eating all manner of cheeseburger, carb, and so on and so forth.

This got me thinking about all the lovely fattening foods there are out there that I could recommend to my mom. I’m a big fan of pasta and staunchly refuse to believe it’s unhealthy, though I feel like my gorgonzola mac and cheese could put some meat on your bones. In fact, it seems that many of the things I eat involve ingredients that dieters usually dare not even dream of, namely huge quantities of cheese and carbs. If I needed to gain weight quickly, say to become a wrestler in a higher weight class, (as just accidentally becoming too thin probably won’t ever happen to me), here is what I would happily indulge in to maximize the poundage:

  • Cheese enchiladas. I like to make them, but they are pretty much great in whatever form you can find them.
  • Pasta pasta and more pasta. Pasta with smoked salmon and capers. The aforementioned gorgonzola pasta. Butternut squash ravioli with browned butter.  I would take up residence in a nice Italian restaurant hopefully in exchange for writing glowing reviews of their food.
  • Juice, soda, beer and wine!!! Oh how I love high-calorie beverages, but normally limit myself to tea instead 😦 .  My quest for flesh (heh) would basically involve a lot of beer and margaritas, which would be all right because I’d balance it out with lots and lots of food.
  • Chocolate chip cookies.  Homebaked is best, but as long as I’m throwing the idea of healthy to the wind, I would go with my childhood favorite, Soft Batch.
Mmm... I can taste my childhood...

Mmm... I can taste my childhood...

  • Arby’s beef cheddar sandwiches.  Even though I’m 80% vegetarian and loathe fast food, I have a special place in my heart for Arby’s beef cheddar.  This is another choice where nostalgia factors in:  I don’t think I’ve eaten one of these since I was ten but I can still remember exactly how it tastes.  I can just imagine the smells as I unwrap the foil.
  • One word: potatoes.  Home fries, garlic fries, cheese fries (do they exist?  I want), fries with aioli.  My husband would heartily agree with me on this.
Clearly Im gastronomically retarded.  Cheese fries do indeed exist.

Clearly I'm gastronomically retarded. Cheese fries do indeed exist.

Ok, so my list looks a lot more wholesome than devious, and actually represents a lot of what I eat on a weekly basis (aside from cheese fries — I’ve never had these, and frankly I’m a bit scared).  What would you devour if putting on pounds was your goal?


One response to “Totally Frivolous Post

  1. thanks for distracting me from CNN. 🙂 as a WI native, I can tell you that cheese fries are AWESOME. Do not be afraid. Embrace the cheese. Especially if it’s orange. 😀

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s