Tag Archives: antm

Worst Makeover Ever

It’s kinda effed up how the makeovers on ANTM are not so much about improvement as they are about making the girls adapt to freakish change.  Oh, and they’re also about shock value. Which, on this episode, Tyra claims is NOT her motivation behind the makeovers.  Um, hello?  What are all the short, bright-yellow hair-dos about then?  And why, oh why, did this have to happen:

Aminat, before:

aminat-fro

Aminat, after:

aminat_afterThe sick thing is, if Aminat had come into the competition looking like her ‘after’ photo, Tyra would probably have given her a ‘fro, telling her how she needed to represent her people or whatever.  

The one person that I thought genuinely improved with the makeover (and who incidentally was the biggest baby about it) was Fo:

Fo, before:

fo_beforeFo, after:

fo_afterAgain, we ask ourselves: if these girls want to be models, shouldn’t they be okay with getting their hair chopped?  Tyra has a rare moment of clarity when she says something along the lines of, “being a model is not about looking the way YOU want to look.”  

And how awesome was Jessica’s parting barb?  “I’m gonna go home with my head held high, cuz I think I’m way prettier than some of the girls that are left here.”  Precious. Gotta love how they insist on casting girls who think being a model is all about being pretty, then force a slice of humble pie down their throats when they kick them off, reminding them that “pretty isn’t enough.”  Classic.

Cycle 12: Yawn

So I finally got around to Youtubin’ the premiere of America’s Next Top Moron, I mean MODEL, Cycle 12.  Holy crap, I can’t believe they are still churning these things out.  And they held the semi-finals in Las Vegas, of all places (Tyra even said it was one of her favorite cities, because of all the great “shopping”… um, yeah.).  I was just relieved when they moved the finalists to NYC.  Though a whole cycle in Las Vegas would be… different, and possibly amazing.  I was picturing show girl challenges and casino fashion shows.  But alas it was not to be…

Love: Fo (the prettiest in my opinion), Celia (smart and charming, but 25 – I mean, come ON.  BUT, she referred to Tyra as “extra-terrestrial,” so I gotta give her huge props for that), Aminat (stunning), London (though I think the preacher thing seems a little fake), Allison (gotta love the weirdness).

Hate: Miss Jay’s bowl cut at panel.  All the headbands worn across the foreheads.  Gross.  Also, there are a bunch of very unmemorable girls this time around.  Not enough to make me care.

Surprises: They eliminated the epileptic first.  Well, they still have the burn survivor, so I guess Tyra still has her ’cause’ girl.

I’m not sure I can watch another season, but… who am I kidding.  I probably will.  I gotta give them props for this promo photo shoot at least… It’s kinda fun, and I sorta want to wear all of those outfits (minus Tyty’s):

antm-cycle-12Hm, you think they photoshopped Tyra at ALL?

C’est La Vie, Marjorie Est Partie…

It saddens me that the episode where Marjorie finally cuts loose and grows some ovaries is also the episode where she gets the boot. Poor little lost fawn/nervous wreck Marjorie actually calls up some boys, invites them over to party, proceeds to get trashed and ends up in the bathtub fully clothed. Not to mention she totally nails a photoshoot in which she needs to flirt with and kiss a male model. Whence originated these cojones? It seems so cruel to reward her bravery with elimination, but let us remember what a completely INSANE CoverGirl spokesperson she would make (image via fourfour):

Let us also look back on her photoshoots, which weren’t as great as I seemed to remember.

There was the fierce:

The not-as-pretty (I guess the hunchback thing only takes you so far):

And the bordering-on-insane (though I like it in an insane kind of way):

While Jay pointed out on the set of the last photo shoot that Marjorie seemed drunk or high (which may have been near to the truth, as she was probably nursing one hell of a hangover), her pigeon-toed, foot-dragging gait and the wild look in her eyes screamed escaped mental patient to me.

And yet you’d have to be a total brute to not find her elimination a little bit sad, especially when it came time to bid farewell to her bosom friend/bathmate Analeigh. Apologies for the crappy photos:

LOVE McKey’s bored face here:

Be strong, my love:

Marjorie would make a great high fashion model. Unfortunately ANTM is looking for some kind of freakish hybrid of runway/commercial/actress/spokesperson. Even though she’s a bit of a mess, I like her personality a lot more than McKey, who will probably win this thing. Marjorie, you are the last bastion of weirdness in Cycle 11. The finale should be a big yawn without you.

In other ANTM news, and this bodes well for Marjorie, smartypants 2nd-runner-up on Cycle 1 Elyse has a witty and entertaining blog that details her journeys modeling around the world. She’s a great writer and takes some awesome photos of Hong Kong, Shanghai, and various other places her job sends her. The blog is so engrossing, I’ll even forgive her for writing about eating dog meat *shudders*. This fully supports the winning-ANTM-is-a-curse/runners-up-do-better phenomenon. What is Adrianne, the winner of Cycle 1 up to these days?

Oh, yeah.

Tyra Banks, Political Psychic/Magician

If this is what it takes...

If this is what it takes...

Oh, TYRA.  I don’t doubt your sincerity.  Afterall, we all saw Oprah get emotional on election night.  However it was hard to contain my guffaw when I read this article in New York Magazine.  If you had a hand in predicting, nay, CHOOSING Obama’s presidential victory, than so be it.  Thank you. God knows you’ve engineered other wins.

ANTM Observations

1. If I was a Dutch person, I wouldn’t want to help crazy Marjorie with directions either. This woman seemed terrified of her. I used to think Marjorie was cute like a little lost animal, and I used to find her nervous tics somewhat endearing. I now see that she would make an utterly INSANE CoverGirl. Which doesn’t mean I’m not still rooting for her.

you better run lady

You better run lady

2. Samantha was originally my least favorite, but has come to seem like the most human of the bunch, and is such an unlikely model that she’s become a lot more appealing to me.

Just a regular gal

Just a regular gal

3. In addition to having the IQ of a boxer-slash-model, McKey has got the Dick Cheney-talking-out-the-side-of-her-mouth thing going on. I don’t know which haunts me more: the idea of McKey’s face on a billboard, or that of Marjorie’s. *Shudders*

4. As annoyingly self-righteous as she is, Elina reminds me the most of my young, idealistic/idiotic self (I was a self-righteous vegan at 18) and therefore I shed a tiny tear at her departure.  Hopefully  she’ll remember to channel the fashion monster within as she pursues her modeling career.

Bitch Im crazy

Bitch I'm crazy

5. I think it will come down to McKey and Analeigh.  I’m still working on my ANTM retrospective education, so I’m not sure if the pretties or the edgies are favored.  I will go ahead and wager.  Much as I dislike her Cheneymouth, I think McKey’s got it in the bag.

Lessons from ANTM

Lesson #1: Europe is just one big country (thanks McKey):

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Lesson #2: When you take the slutty out of Sheena, what you get is boring:

Lesson #3: When the going gets tough, a nice lez bath party lightens the mood:

Hm… the clip that I painstakingly created for you all doesn’t seem to be showing up, so I’ll point you to the one on Jezebel: Top Models Abroad Dip Their Fingers in Dykes.

You Wanna Be on Top?

I’m a wretched human being.  I can’t stop watching old seasons (ahem… sorry, ‘cycles’) of America’s Next Top Model on Youtube. After years of resisting, I’ve given in and given myself over one hundred percent,  as in watching nearly an entire cycle in a day. It’s deliciously catty and endlessly insane.  I suppose you could say that I’ve been driven to watch it because of all the witty and enjoyable commentary on blogs such as fourfour and the wonderfully named Beer in My Weave.  Smart, funny people are watching it, so why shouldn’t I?  If I could explain the show’s appeal to me in one image, it would be this one, of Cycle 5’s Lisa:

Crazy Lisa

This is entertainment

Tausili has the goods.